Have you ever heard statements like these?
I need to love myself before I can love others.
I need to forgive myself first so I can find peace to forgive others.
These statements sound good. You may feel good saying them or hearing them said. Why, they may even sound biblical. But….they are not. They are the world’s view of self and image.
God’s view is much different. His take on this issue of self is that I already love myself, and that I will most naturally do what I think is in my best interests by default.
For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as the Lord does the church.
Ephesians 5:29
This verse says that no human being, at any-time, anywhere, has ever truly hated himself, but that instead we as human beings innately provide for ourselves and care for ourselves. In other words, I am automatically concerned about myself already.
Did you look in the mirror this morning after you woke up? Most likely you did. I did. Why? Because I love myself! I want me to look good – or at least as close as I can manage to get to that ideal. (side note: pre-teen boys don’t count in this particular sociological study, as they generally don’t care what they look like regardless of the situation. Ask me how I know).
Here’s another experiential proof. When you cut your finger on something, what do you do? I mean a really serious cut. Go watch TV? Scroll social media? Go out and get something to eat? No! You stop and take care of the wound. No one has to tell you to do that. You just do it. Because you just care about yourself by default.
Another example: I can tell you from years of ministry experience that the hardest thing to do is to motivate and lead volunteers who are hungry and ready to eat. Why? Because if we are hungry, we are concerned about one thing – nourishing ourselves! Maybe that’s why Jesus said “feed My sheep”, I’m not totally sure.
Perhaps my favorite illustration of this is that when traveling on an airplane, during the safety briefing, they tell you that if the oxygen levels drop in the plane, masks will drop, and you should put your mask on before helping someone else. I want to say to the flight attendant giving the briefing – “Oh don’t worry about that! Everyone is definitely going to be concerned about themselves first!”
Hopefully you are convinced of the fact that, well, we love ourselves. We’ve looked at one teaching on the idea of self from Scripture and several experience-based examples, but let’s look at one more passage:
Let nothing be done through selfish ambition or conceit, but in lowliness of mind let each esteem others better than himself. Let each of you look out not only for his own interests, but also for the interests of others.
Philippians 2:3-4
Look out not only for your own interests – God assumes here that we take care of ourselves. We are not commanded here to love ourselves. God knows we already do that. He assumes it. It’s who we are. Congratulations – your self-care is perpetually on auto-pilot. Great job, you.
In fact, nowhere in Scripture are you told to love yourself. Think about that. Of all the things that God says to do and not to do in the Bible – all the important instructions that He knew we needed – “love thyself” is not one of them.
This post is a part of a series of posts that are excerpts from my book “Finding Your Midpoint: Locating the Balanced Positions for Your Life and Ministry” – available on Amazon or wherever books are sold.